Imposter Syndrome and Trans Identity
One of the hardest aspects of transitioning is reaching the point where you are comfortable hearing your name and your pronouns correctly. We have spent so much of our lives being told that it should be one way, and for most of us that it can only be that way, that to assert that it should be, and is, in fact another way brings us a lot of anxiety and discomfort when people use the correct name/pronouns. I've heard so many people say that they feel like they are lying when they tell someone the correct pronouns or the correct name. In some cases, I've seen people get uncomfortable when they are read as their true gender by a stranger.
Here's the thing: It takes practice and experience to feel you are correct in your identity. It's like when you get a new job with a new job title and it feels unfamiliar at first, you may feel like an imposter in your new role because you simply haven't acclimated yet. Newness does not negate trueness.
So, how do you grow out of your imposter syndrome around your identity? How do you externalize the comfort you have internally gained in your identity? Here's a few steps you can take to help you on your way:
- Practice telling the mirror your name and pronouns
- Once you feel comfortable hearing it out loud, tell a friend, and ask if you can practice declaring your name and pronouns at them sometimes, so that you can acclimate to telling someone face-to-face
- Find some more people that make you feel safe and tell them how to refer you and ask for that reassurance and validation of your identity
- In particular, ask the people to talk about you around you in kind ways, maybe they can compliment you in third person, so you can have those immediate positive associations with your identity.
And just remember, feeling discomfort around telling people your identity, doesn't mean you got it wrong, it just means you aren't used to it, or that you still feel a lot of concern about how it will be received. You will get more comfortable with practice and experience. Your identity is real. You are real and deserve to be seen for who You are.
