Grief During the Holidays
Honoring our passed loved ones will help us stay in our present moments.
Christmas 2022 will mark my seventh Christmas without my grandmother, or GG as we lovingly called her. It will also mark the first Christmas without my mother in law, Meredith, who passed away last Christmas morning. Even with the dementia that GG suffered during her later years, we at least still had her here with us. We shared many extremely sugared coffees and circular conversations over the dinner table while listening to the same Christmas music…..Repeatedly.
I miss her. And I deeply miss Meredith. As the holidays approach and as I work with my clients who have also lost friends, spouses and children, we all want to know how to best handle the holidays without them. You know what I wish?? I wish I could write a top 10 list of what to do with our broken hearts. But, that’s not how it works. Grief comes and goes, it waxes and wanes, it comes in waves. The best way to deal with it is to sit with it and honor ourselves and our loved ones. And give grief permission to be present and then to pass.
I have worked with so many people who endure seemingly insurmountable struggles all while learning to walk in their lives once again without their loved ones. Often they feel guilty for being alive or happy. A common yet twisted thought permeating this is that if they remained sad or grief stricken they’d somehow stay connected to their loved ones that had passed before them. Grief is a strong emotion that can mimic the sensation of connection. However, it is not connection. In fact, it will disrupt all of our connections with the living.
What is important to learn is to Honor our loved ones even in the midst of the complex sadness of our grief. Honor their lives. And connect with the living. What great tears of joy this brings me to realize what a wonderful woman my GG was my entire life. It brings me comfort knowing that Meredith gave so much love and time to countless young people and to her community. She has a lasting legacy that I aspire to. I honor both of these amazing women this season. I miss you terribly GG. But, I will raise an extremely sugary cup of coffee in your honor on Christmas eve with a tear drop from my eye as I hug my lovely mother who misses you too. And we shall all laugh full belly laughs that she ducked her head when driving under bridges.
Choose to honor your loved ones who have passed and remain connected through the love and health that honor provides.